The Screamer

Most people have dogs that bark. Many people have dogs that yelp or yap. There are even those unlucky few that have dogs who whine. Thankfully we are not these people as this is incredibly annoying. We always bragged about how quiet our little Charlie is. Doesn't make a sound. Sure, the occasional bark may come out. He is after all a four-legged individual, it's to be expected but we don't encourage it.

However, what we have recently discovered is something that came as quite a shock. Yes, it is highly amusing and we weren't quite sure what to make of it but once we got over our laughter we realized just how unique our little man is. Charlie, our little 10 pound brown fur ball, is a screamer.

We knew Charlie was a special little tyke when he started playing tag and hide-n-seek with us. Just like our nephews. He loves to chase us into a room, wait for us to notice him, then run and hide. He'll then chase us back, wait until we hide and then search through the house until he finds us. It's hysterical to watch him get scared when he doesn't notice Mike sneak up on him. He'll get scared, jump and either run through the house so fast or fall to the floor. Usually. This has always been the routine. Until the other night.

It was business as usual. Charlie was waiting for Mike to get him. The game of choice was Tag. Mike was "it". I was just a bystander. Charlie was running through the house. Apparently he didn't realize how close behind Mike was because when Mike reached out to touch his paw.......AAAAAAHHHHH. Mike and I both froze. Charlie ran. Mike began his defense. He said he barely touched him. That's when we knew. He just scared the scream out of Charlie.

Now I've seen a lot of things with dogs. My beloved first dog TeePee could unwrap Peanut Butter cups and not rip even a corner of the wrapper - that's talent. I've seen dogs open doors, hide things, cuddle with stuffed animals, the list is long but I've never heard of a dog that gets so scared that it screams. I actually don't know who I was more amazed by - Mike or Charlie. Mike loves to scare people and the fact that he actually pulled a scream out of our dog is pretty impressive but the fact that Charlie actually screamed....that tops them all.

I think Charlie tried to get me back the other day. I came home and as I walked through the door I didn't see him on his usual spot. I called to him and when I looked down he actually did it again - he screamed and jumped. I couldn't believe it - twice in one week. What the hell? For the record it worked. He scared me. Now it's my turn for retaliation. He'd better watch his back.

Lemons R Us

We cook with a lot of lemons and by we, of course I mean Mike. He doesn't read this, he'll never know, I can take credit for everything. It's a safe guess to say we probably go through about 2 lemons a night. Now, this could be an expensive habit. Lemons aren't exactly cheap. Well, for most people anyway. We happen to have our own private little stash.....nah, not our yard, it's the neighbor's. Even better. No rotten fruit falling to the floor. Just a quick run across the street with a bag and we're set. What could be more perfect?

One of the things I love most about living in San Diego is having a supply of fruit trees in the yards to pick from. Our neighbors have lemons, limes and oranges. Since we moved here 4 years ago it's been the best part. We haven't bought citrus fruit in years. Yes, we're friends with them and they give us free reign which is great because it saves us the trouble of waiting until after dark to collect our fruit. It's been a great run. Most days when we realize we need a lemon we can just run across the street and pick. Yes, I say most days because lately someone else has been hitting our stash. We noticed a few weeks ago that our little lemon tree was looking kind of empty. We confronted our source about it. We told him he should know better than to let others pick off "our" tree. It was almost bare!

Apparently, there have been others. Can you imagine? We thought we were the only ones but he was letting other neighbors pick off our, ok, his tree. We told him it had to stop. Another neighbor dropped by while we were in crisis mode. We find out he was our competition. We told him he needed to find his own tree and get this.....HE DID! He found another source just around the corner. There's only one drawback - it's a hostile environment. He was already attacked while picking. Even though the trees are on the street side, outside the fence, technically this makes them free game but the homeowner didn't think so.

This can only mean one thing. Operation Midnight Pick is in full effect. No one gets in the way of us and our lemons.

What a Boob

For most of you this won't come as a shock - I have big boobs. People always seem to think having the big guns are a great thing. You're so lucky, they'll say. Sure I am. I have to double up on the sports bras so I don't knock myself out. Why they think it's a great thing I'll never know. I've always thought it's a pain in the ass, well, actually the chest. I always have to search for that bra thats just right which is no easy feat. I remember walking into Victoria's Secret and searching the shelves for my size. At the time I was a 36D. I asked the girl why there weren't any hanging up. She told me, and I quote, "Oh we don't hang those. They don't sit right. The're too big." Nice.

After losing weight I thought I was a 34C. I was pretty excited. I wasn't a D anymore. Yet, the bras were so uncomfortable, they kept riding up. I decided it was time to get a proper fitting. I went to a new shop called Intimacy. This place was amazing. Not only was I properly fitted but the bras were fab-u-lous. Sadly, I was still a D although not a 34, but now a 32. Confusing I know but as long as it fits and it all makes sense. Sure, this place is more expensive than Victoria's Secret but not only do you get a proper fitting, they also will re-fit your bras when they stretch after the normal wear and tear. WOW. I was feeling pretty good. I filled out my information form and was on my merry way.

Imagine my surprise a few months later when I received a phone call telling me that I had won a drawing from the boutique. A gift certificate of $250. Holy shit! I won, I actually won something. I didn't even know I had entered a drawing. Perfect timing too as I was just thinking about getting more bras. I arrived early for my appointment. The girl that helped me was great. Thankfully I had brought my previous purchases and she saw they needed to be adjusted as well. I had already gone down a size and now needed a 30. After I made my selections, the very helpful salesgirl took my old bras to send them out for re-work and I got my things.

As I was preparing to leave the room, what I believe to be the manager appeared and asked if I was the girl who one the gift card. I said yes. Here's where it gets interesting. So called Manager said, "I'm so glad you came. When I heard you were from Oceanside I knew you could use that gift certificate". Um, are you f**king kidding me? What the hell just happened here? I think the fact that my jaw was on the floor might have clued her to the fact that I was in shock. I actually didn't know how to react. Hindsight - I should've taken off my giant shoe and hit her in the head with it.

The irony of the situation is that there are many homes in Oceanside that are worth millions of dollars. This is, after all, a beach town and real estate is still high. I just don't know what shocked me more - the fact that this woman thought the entire city of Oceanside was poor or that she actually had the nerve to tell a customer, one that had already purchased from the store previously, that they were poor. I think she might have realized her mistake. She followed me out, kept telling me how she tried calling me for days. I told her if you don't leave a message I can't call. She said I didn't have an answering machine. It's a cell phone, it comes equipped with voice mail. I eventually did get a message which is how I knew I won.

I then told her it's political season, I have political pundits calling me daily and I can't be answering every call. She looked confused and walked away. I also whipped out my Coach wallet from inside my Coach purse to pay for my balance. Guess she didn't notice that. She probably couldn't see past my tailored jeans and black leather jacket. They probably looked too poor for her. I think it screamed skid row. Oh well, it's back to the bowery for me.

*Update*
Customer relations for Intimacy is outstanding. They not only got back to me in less than 24 hours but they will be taking care of the situation (as well as taking care of me - wink, wink). I can feel better knowing that they honestly do care about their customers. I didn't want to look for a new store. Who wants to run around town showing your boobs to new fitters?

NYC Tradition

Ahhh, Les Sans Culottes. This is always one of the first things that we think of when planning our trips to NYC. I'm serious. This is no ordinary restaurant I'm talking about here - this is tradition. Years of tradition. Always a night of fabulous fun. We have never been disappointed in how our evening turns out when we go to our French restaurant.

Yes, I said "our". We've been coming here for so long, we look at it like "our" place. We have "our" table. No one can sit at our round table in the corner when we are coming for dinner. That's where we sit. It just wouldn't be right. We even have our assigned seats. We always sit in the same seats. It's just common knowledge. Everyone knows. Even the owner. When she sees the five of us walk through the door, recognition immediately passes across her face. We're treated like family. At Les Sans, you can sit back and relax as everything is brought out. There's no rushing here. The atmosphere is fantastic.

It always starts with the giant basket of vegetables and huge array of salami brought to the table. Of course there's also pate and delicious crusty french rolls. This is what we have to enjoy until we decide we are done. After dinner and dessert - which are always amazing - we are given after dinner drinks, usually Amaretto or Grand Marnier. Even at this point we are never hurried along. We can still sit and enjoy our drinks, enjoy our conversation. I always feel so alive when I leave. Perhaps it's because it combines the best of both worlds - NYC & Paris. Who knows, but I do know that once a year is definitely not enough to go. My future is calling for upping the tradition.....I'm seeing once a month. Yes, that sounds much better. I like the sound of that.

The Big Apple

It was great to be back in NYC during the best season - Autumn. It's my favorite time of the year which is why living in San Diego is never my ideal during the fall. I was so excited to be going back to New York and of course I couldn't leave without the little furry guy so Charlie got his suitcase packed & to the big city he came. And yes, he packed his own suitcase. Charlie is a dog of many talents.

Our first adventure was apple picking. What's a fall adventure without a little apple picking? It was a first for many - Charlie and Liz. Not all behaved. This time it wasn't Liz. It started out great. The weather was perfect. Blue skies, not too warm, not too cold - just right. We all hopped in the mom mobile and headed to Warwick, NY - otherwise known as "upstate". Hey, anything north of the Bronx is upstate.

Charlie had his friends too - Mia and Ziggy were along for the adventure as well. We arrived, parked and started to pick. It was great - Mags, a.k.a. "mom", and Liz got in the trees and started to pick. Empires, Cortlands, Macs, they put them in the bag. None of those Red Delicious though. Blech. We were having fun, walking and picking, taking pictures. That's when it happened. I was only in the tree for a second. I guess that's all it takes. A few barks, a leash falls, Charlie flies through the air. You just take your eyes off the kids for one second and the trouble they get into. I don't think I've ever moved so fast. I flew through the air after the little tyke. Thankfully the other dog owners were understanding. No harm done. Just a bark and run.

Charlie had a time out in the car while we resumed picking. I think all that fresh air made him elated. Who can blame him? He just wanted to run free, run wild, be one with the farm. Besides, he had new friends. Or partners in crime depending on how you looked at it. I guess I could understand - I let him out of the car.

It seems that Charlie has found himself in NY. He became a fan of running around in the grass, rolling in the dirt, chasing squirrels & birds. This is the same dog that tiptoes through the grass at home because he doesn't like to walk in it. Who would've thought. Charlie is a New Yorker in disguise. I guess I know where his vote is on where to move.

The Little Man works it

People are always on the lookout for a good deal. They like to think they got a bargain. Any little bit counts. For whatever the reason, there are those that will haggle over every little price. Trust me, I know. I've had plenty of yard sales. One woman thought paying $3 for a Tommy Hilfiger skirt that was never worn was too much. She haggled it down to $2. Really people?

Just this past weekend we sold Coach sneakers for $2. The original $4 price tag was too high. I get the bargaining thing. Really I do. I get the yard sale thing too. Sure, you don't expect to pay top dollar. Sometimes you just want to reach out and slap a bitch, tell them to go to the store and find some designer merchandise for $4. Not gonna happen.

It's the whole art of the deal. They need that deal. You see it everywhere. I've seen people work it for free drinks in bars, people haggle for discounts on clothing that have a slight defect. I'm actually impressed a lot of the time. I would never think to do what they do which is why I usually don't get the discounts or the free drinks.

Sure, occasionally I notice a stain & mention it to the cashier and get that 15% discount but damn, I must admit, I am mortified doing so. Hell yeah it feels great getting that cheaper price but sometimes it is embarassing asking for it. Which is why it's even better, more brilliant and an even sweeter deal when you don't have to ask for it and get it anyway.

It has nothing to do with me. If I were by myself I wouldn't have gotten any discount whatsoever. I can guarantee that. It's my little man. Nothing makes me more proud than to have my little man Charlie Brown work it for me at the car dealership. That's right people. My little tyke got me a discount. Or as the saleswoman referred to it, "the cute dog discount".

Just by being cute, Charlie saved us money. Personally, I think he knew what he was doing. He really does know how to work it. Once he saw the saleswoman looking at him he really turned on the charm. Paw up, belly exposed. Yes, he saw an opportunity and he took it.

She asked me to bring him back next time. I can guarantee he'll have top priority seating waiting for him. At home he'll be getting an extra frosty paws.

Where to call Home?

I am a nomad. I may have left this fact out when I met Mike. I don't think he realized what he was in store for. He's a settle-down-in-one-place kind of guy. I do not like to stay in one place. Ever. The idea of forever is not something I like to think about. Sure it may seem "nice". Find a place you love, or think you do, buy a house and settle down.

Warning sign number one. Settle down. Translation - stay put, tied down, get bored. Die. Ok, maybe that last part is a slight exaggeration but you get the picture. I do not like to be in one place forever. Maybe it's just that I haven't found that perfect place or maybe it's just that I'm not that person who is meant to be in one place forever. Whichever way you look at it we have a problem.

I love to watch those shows on T.V. where they are looking at houses in different areas all over the country and all over the world. I see a new place and think how great it would be to live there. The thrill of unchartered territories, discovering new areas, finding new shops, new neighborhoods, new roads, just new everything. It's so fun & adventurous.

Mike always laughs at me because everytime I see a different city I tell him that it would be nice to live there. He knows that all would be good for a few years and then I would be done and ready to move on after that. Or would I? How am I to know if something is right for me or not if I don't try it out? I could be missing out on so many areas simply because I chose to settle down in another. Part of the problem is that I've discovered years ago that the place that I was meant to live is Paris and since it can't happen at this moment, I must spend my life finding a replacement. Not an easy thing to do.

I used to be a traveller. That was all I wanted to do. Travel the world, see new sights, experience all that the world had to offer. Why would I want to limit myself to just my immediate surroundings? I was happiest when I was travelling. Stepping off the plane in a new location, finding my hotel, unpacking, settling in. I loved it all.

Walking outside to start the journey in a new place is a great feeling. I miss that. Most of all I miss me when I was exciting. I feel like when I'm on the move I'm more alive. I need to bring that person back. Travel helped me not mind where I lived as much because I was able to move around so much. Once that was curbed, my restlessness grew. I felt like I was stuck.

I do a lot of thinking on where I want to live and where I want to be. I still have no clue. Depending on the day, I want to live either here or there. I told Mike that I am willing to live anywhere for at least a few years. I mean that. Location must be within reason of course. A girl's got standards.