Flying High

The day had finally arrived. My circus debut was here. I was going to be a trapeze artist. Well, sort of. Leave out the artist part. After months of seeing other people flying through the air, seeing ads online, in the paper, in magazines, practically everywhere, taunting me, teasing, I couldn't take it anymore. I'd had enough. It was my time to fly. What made the day even more special was the great deal I got through the website buywithme.com. What's better than a dream? A dream on sale!

I arrived at the Del Mar Fairgrounds where the Circus Fund is located. I was so excited. Our class was going to be full today. Eight people to a class. We were told to arrive early so I did. Apparently I was the only one that got the memo. I'm getting a little antsy when I see them. One, two, three. Oh sh*t. Four, five. Are you kidding me? Where's the hidden camera? This must be some sort of joke. Six, seven. Yup, that's the last of the little buggers. Kids. All of them. My class is filled with kids. It seems that the class today was a children's birthday party. And me. The lone adult. Whoopee! Things are looking up. Well, I guess they will be soon, huh?

I looked on the bright side. I'm bigger. I get to go first. All the time. Plus, a few kids got scared and bowed out. Ok, I'll admit, the kids actually weren't that bad after all. Shhh, don't tell anyone. Some were even kinda cute. I practically ran up the ladder for my first jump. I was pretty excited. It was just a basic "banana" jump. Jump, hang like a banana, let go, land. Of course, being the first jump and all, I was a little nervous but it was fan-tab-ulous. I couldn't wait for the next part - the hang and back flip. This was where it got tricky. You actually had to work it now.
Back up I went.

For anyone that is worried that they'll be too nervous - you are so busy concentrating on what you have to do that you don't have time to be nervous. You have to pay attention to everything. If you miss your cue, it's over and back down you go. I had the knees up and over the bar. Swinging the arms, got that. I got a little lost when it came to the back flip. Apparently I was over-thinking and acting too much like an athlete (so I was told). I was working up too much swing on the legs. Patience is what I need. Crap. They didn't realize I don't have much of that.

Back in line I went. I had to get this part down before I could move on to the next portion - the catch. But damn, now I had to get to the end of the line. Waiting for the kids was the hardest part. If it were up to me, I would have kept going over and over again. Sharing is still something I'm not a fan of. Whew, I took my second turn at the back-flip and got it. When it comes to athletics, I need to perfect it. Why can't I be like that with everything in life? Moving on to the catch.

This was by far the most fun of all three sections. Of course by this time the line was short. Most of the kids were scared away by this one. Why? Who knows but it was a huge benefit to me. Send up the guinea pig. That would be me. I flew up the ladder. I was raring to go. I grabbed the bar and off I went. Timing had to be perfect for this one. If you missed any of your cues, you would most likely miss the hands of your "catcher" and then you would have to jump down onto the net. Where's the fun in that? I made my catch. I'm feeling great. Then I get off the net and am told I should be faster with my "legs up" next time. Faster? Ugh. Do you know how hard it is to get those legs up on the bar by this point? But hey, I can't disappoint. I'm going up for round 2.

It was my final act of the day. I had to make it perfect. Be quicker. Get those legs up fast. I was tired, it had been almost 2 hours but I had to make it work. I jumped up, heard my cue, legs up, arms off the bar, reached out and caught. Whew! Throw back, landed on the net. Perfect. I'm told that this was much better, great job. Ahhh. I can relax. I'm liking this circus thing. For two solid hours I had not a care in the world. My mind was free of worry. All I was focused on was flying through the air on the trapeze, completing the tasks that I was given. My goal was accomplished. To have fun. Maybe joining the circus isn't such a bad thing after all.

*If you want information on how you can join the circus and live in the Southern California area, go to http://www.circusfund.org/.

Shoe Heaven

I love shoes. There. I've said it. I'm not ashamed. Well, that's not true. I am ashamed of one thing - my closet is not big enough for me to adequately spread out my little beauties. Sadly, they must be lined up on top of one another, neatly of course, in order to make room for more. Oh the horror.

I dream of the day when they can be free to lounge about on the upper echelons of my walk-in. Until then, they must make do with their shared space. I don't plan on taking down the room-for-rent sign anytime soon.

Always on the lookout for a great shoe bargain, I stumbled into heaven when I found DSW (that's Designer Shoe Warehouse for you non-shoe aficionados). Not only do they carry shoes for men and women but they have every type of shoe you can imagine and here's the best part....you get rewarded for shopping. Are you kidding me? What genius came up with this idea?

I was hooked from the beginning. I signed up and I was good to go. Every time I bring home another tenant I earn points on my rewards card. No other shoe store is doing that. Every time I hit a certain amount of points, I get a gift certificate in the mail for more shoes.

Yes, there is a down side. The husband. I've gotten him hooked on the shoes too. Now when I get my rewards I have to share. Sharing rewards is not as much fun but it's what I have to do. I get a pair, he gets a pair. Apparently I'm told this is called being fair. Sure. For him. Doesn't help me towards my goal of reaching Imelda Marcos-like proportions but I guess I'll have to make it work for now.

*Actual photo

About a year ago I became a luxe member at DSW. This means extra rewards and more gift certificates. It's brilliant. It's better. Sometimes it's harder to attain. You have to reach your goal each year by December 31st. I was worried. My deadline was approaching and we had just bought 3 more pairs of shoes.

I thought we were done and this should have put us to my goal. It didn't. I was confused. I had received a statement in the mail and it gave one amount yet online gave another. How was I to reach my goal??

I thought I'd write to corporate to help clear my confusion. I just wanted clarification. That's it. Nothing more. I needed to know what I needed to reach my goal. I was getting desperate. I had to keep my luxe status for 2011. I got back my response. They apologized for the confusion. They valued my luxe membership very much and didn't want to lose it. They added the remained points that I needed and made sure I remained luxe. I'M LUXE FOR 2011. There must have been a mix-up with my points. I'm not questioning. I'm loving. Loving DSW.

Jealousy isn't my thing unless you have the purse I want....

What's the deal with jealous people? I'm not talking the jealous-over-your-possessions type of person. I'm talking the jealous-over-your-man or the jealous-over-your-friend kind of person. Seriously, what the hell is that? No one is trying to steal your man. No one is trying to steal your friend. We've all got our own people and even if we didn't, we're not out to get yours. Get over it and get over yourself.

I have never been the jealous type. At least not with people. You are more likely to see me drooling over your purse before you see me get all crazy over my man. Talk to him all you want. Call him up to hang out. Go for it. I think it's great. The most important thing to me has always been having all of my friends be friends and get along. This includes my husband. I do not need to be the glue that holds them all together. This can be exhausting. Please, talk amongst yourselves. Amuse yourselves. Sure, it's great to be together and have fun but we can also be apart and have fun too.

This also applies to my friends. I am not possessive. I do not need to stake my claim on my friends. When at a party or get-together, I do not feel the need to constantly announce that a person is my best friend. Why do people do this? It makes me want to stand up and shout really? Are they? Thanks for clearing that up buddy. I'll be sure to back off now since I know they are taken. I didn't think people still did this. I thought once we left high school all that sh*t was over. Apparently not.

I am a secure person. I know people aren't out to "steal" my friends or my husband. I just don't think that way. I am also very independent and strong willed. For the sake of friendship, I have learned to keep tabs on my inner mean girl and have dealt with the insecure jealous friend claimstakers. I'm not going to say it's easy. Being naturally nice isn't hard but forcing that....well, we're talking Academy Award winning performance here. I can't promise that it will last forever. Especially when you have to deal with the occasional comment here and there.

Like I said, jealous people are the worst. Insecure and they like to try and get those digs in. Oh the irony. I can play the game and I can play it well. Too well. It makes me smile just thinking about it. Remember, when you say I'm from New York it's not an insult. It's a compliment of the highest form.

New Fitness Craze

I arrived at Zumba class raring to go. The instructor for the night was full of energy. His play list was topnotch. Full of club music - the kind with the beat that really makes you want to move around the room. We were all in position. The music was thumping and that's when I noticed her. She was barefoot. Ew. That was what first brought her to my attention.

I knew this was going to be an entertaining night. There's always that one person you can count on to liven up the class. We began our warm-up and things really got moving. Then it happened. Out came the cell phone. Barefoot girl started to text. In the middle of class. Are you freakin' kidding me?

Now as I'm sure you may know, I am highly amused by the goings on of those around me. Even when I am completely engrossed in my workout, I can't help but look around and see what everyone else is doing. Or what they aren't doing. Which, in this case, happened to be the in the form of the girl next to me. She kept me entertained throughout the hour. I'm not talking in a "wow she's really good" kind of way. I'm talking the "seriously? What the hell is she thinking" kinda way. She was so absolutely ridiculous in what she was doing that I was fascinated. I couldn't stop watching her.

Don't get me wrong. I got a great workout. Actually, it was one of the best ones I've gotten in a while. As I write this, my ass is still re-living the night. And yet, my eyes kept peeking out of the left side of my head to see if she was still doing it. She wouldn't stop. Well, technically she did stop.......working out. Yes, she actually stopped working out to text.

I looked around the room in disbelief. Was anyone else as amazed at this as I was? The whole class is now shuffling back and forth while this girl has actually planted herself in one spot to text. Did I miss something? Was this Text Zumba? She wasn't even watching the instructor. Her face was just buried in her phone. And then it happened. It took all I had to hold in my laughter. We were all moving across the floor.

Barefoot texter had just rejoined us. She was now trying to move and text. Was that even possible? Apparently not. It must have been too much for her. She went down. Hard. She got up fast, looked around, tried to resume the moves. Here's the clincher......she resumed texting even faster. I should have whipped out my phone too. At least I could have gotten it on camera. This was almost too good to believe.

It was Charlie....

I didn't sleep well last night. I usually don't sleep well so I'm accustomed to not ever getting a good night sleep anymore but every night as I get ready for bed I tell myself that this is going to be the night. This is going to be the one. My head is going to hit the pillow and I'm going to fall into a sleep so great, so sound that I won't wake up for anything. Never happens.

It doesn't help that I'm a light sleeper. A leaf dropping will wake me up. We even sleep with a fan and that sound doesn't mask anything to keep me under. Temperature is another thing. I need cold. Every night, I don't exaggerate, I'm talking every night, I wake up - hot - open the sliding door, change my pajamas and hop back into bed.

Back to last night. I kept having this strange dream. Mike had his arm wrapped around me and for some strange reason he kept shaking me awake. It kept happening over and over again. It seemed so real. It felt like it was really happening. Um, because it was. What the hell? Like I needed any help staying awake? He didn't do it just once. Not twice. This was the third time. I finally shoved him off and growled at him to get off me. He rolled over.

I thought it would end there. Nope. The shaking continued. This time I shook him, told him to stop. He was still half asleep and said he wasn't doing anything. Another involuntary shake. I told him again to stop. Here's the clincher.....he said it wasn't him, it was Charlie. He blamed the dog. Little Charlie was shaking the whole bed. And me. Charlie, who's at my feet and sound asleep, moving not a eyelash. I tried not to laugh. I was tired and grumpy but this was amusing.

I reminded Mike this morning of his earthquake activities. He still says it's Charlie. I can only laugh. I told him that I was a witness. I saw his hand, saw the shake in action. He insists that it was not him. It was Charlie and that's the story he's sticking to. This is why people get dogs. There's always someone to place the blame on.

He may be joking today, which is still debatable, but he was serious last night. When I told him that I was shaken awake he still went with it was Charlie and he meant it. He even insisted that he could feel him moving behind him although the little tyke was already at my feet. If only Charlie knew.

Shark sighting at the vineyard

We are members at Ponte Winery in Temecula, CA. It's a beautiful place. We feel it's one of the best wineries in the region. This may have something to do with the fact that it's the only winery that gives out snacks when you wine taste but you'll learn that this is a very important factor. Snacks are key when wine tasting. Empty stomachs are dangerous. Very dangerous.

Ponte doesn't just have snacks, they have pita chips. We're talking high end snacks. These things are slammin' (translation - delicious). It's very important to position yourself in front of a basket of these bad boys when you arrive. Most people might find a spot by the wine list. That's second in importance. Trust me. It's all about the pita chips. You'll start to realize that as the wine hits your empty belly.

But on this occasion, it's a Friday night, we are at Ponte for one of their special occasion shopping nights. Ponte has these every so often throughout the year and as the holidays approach they will have them every Friday. This was our first so we were pretty excited. It's a members only affair but guests and friends are invited. We brought our crew and headed to wine country. Even though we got there early it was already packed. Ponte is the place that is always packed. Our chauffeur, ok, Mike, dropped us at the door and parked. All the wine was free tonight, as were the hors d'oeuvres and any purchases were 30% off. Free food and drink. What could be better.

We hit the bar and searched for food. No food. Hhhmm. I swear the invite said food. I'm feeling a little guilty. I told my people food. Mike leaves on a search and rescue mission. We head back to the bar. We then notice that there's a crowd at the side exit. It almost looked like a feeding frenzy. It was like someone threw food in the water and the sharks were all gathering to attack. Hey, wait a minute, food....sharks.....whoa.

Mike came running over. Apparently there was food. As soon as it came out of the kitchen and made its way inside, those sharks pounced on the servers. They never got past the door. Those greedy bastards! It was time for a new game plan. We headed outside. Closer to the kitchen. We'd stand outside the chum circle and head off the sharks before food even got to them.

We all stood around when we saw it coming. A white plate held high in the air. The food was on it's way. We all reached out and grabbed. VICTORY! A chicken kabob. Aaahhhh. This game is getting good. Who knew we could outwit the sharks. We waited for another white plate to make its way down the path. We got excited. What tasty morsel would we get this time? But wait. Holy sh*t. What the hell....the sharks....they're coming.

I've never seen them move so fast. They freakin' ran down the path. Literally. They ran down the path. They just attacked the server. She didn't even see it coming. She barely made it out of the kitchen. Didn't they get enough? It always amazes me. The same people had been hogging the food all night and they were still making a grab for the food. Would they ever stop?

We held our ground and our positions for the rest of the night. We eventually did get more food. It was all delicious and yes, we let the servers move along and pass out food to other people. I've seen people get crazy with their wine but when it comes to the food, that's an area you just done mess with. Sharks, in and out of the water, are definitely the most dangerous creatures to deal with. They'll take you down to get what they want. I know if I hadn't moved out of the way of that mini taco tray, I might not have made it out that night.

Back off B*tch

I like taking classes at the gym. I try to go at least three times a week, operative word here is try. When the music starts, I am very glad that I pushed myself to come. Of course my favorite part is the end of the class but that's another story. Getting to the gym is definitely the hard part. It used to be the usual excuses - I'm tired, it's getting dark out - but once I found the class that I loved to take those excuses weren't the reasons anymore.

Sure, getting there was still the hard part but for a completely different reason. Location. It's all about location. It's not just for real estate people. In order to get a prime spot in class, I need to arrive at least 20 minutes before the class starts. It's a tough crowd. No joke. Ruthless. I'm talking lynch mob. I've almost been trampled.

I usually take the night classes but after my near death experience I was taking a break and going for the less frightful morning scene. It's still a fight-for-your-life experience but you can leave the weapons at home which is nice since they don't really fit in the gym bag. I always go front and center. I'm not one of those people that like to be behind anyone. I know what I'm doing. I believe that if you know what you are doing, you belong in the front row. If you don't, move.

I've seen so many people who are clueless insist on running to be front and center and then are lost throughout a class and throw off those around them. This is very annoying to those of us who are trying to get a great workout and who must then be careful of what we are doing. Move it or lose it. Hey, I've been a newbie before. I've kept to the back when I was. I didn't distract anyone. I learned, I moved up.

So here I am, getting ready for class the other day. This class starts pretty early so it's empty for a while. There was no one around me. I loved it. The music starts, I have plenty of room. Ah, this is the way a class should be. 15 minutes into the class I see her. The woman we refer to as "the saver". She likes to come into class early, leave her bag in a certain area on the floor to save her "spot" and leave. You can't save spots in a class. This is not allowed but she does it.

All of a sudden I realize that I have no room next to me. That b*tch just came and stood almost on top of me. What the....are you kidding me? I look around the room. There are so many spots available and yet, this woman is practically in my lap. I am amazed. I'm trying to concentrate on what we are doing but all I want to do is take this woman out. To make matters worse, she's one of those. Yes, you guessed it. Uncoordinated, no rhythm, keeps moving in the opposite direction of where we are all moving. Ugh.

What the hell is wrong with people? Are they seriously that clueless that they don't see all the open areas and see no problem with moving right on top of someone? I wasn't about to move and I wasn't going to shorten my movements. If she wanted to be near me than she was going to hit. She must have gotten the clue a few times because she backed away although she kept inching closer to me again every so often.

However, a couple of dirty looks and some arms swings in her direction kept her at bay. I think she wanted my spot. Maybe she thought she could bully me into moving. I don't think so. Obviously she doesn't know who she's dealing with.